I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
