A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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