Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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