When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
