I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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