She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
