She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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