Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
please don't ironically join a cult
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