She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
