i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
