i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
