upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
