Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
