Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I believe in your delicious
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
