remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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