ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
