we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
