I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's the barista slut.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
