JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
