question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Im part way to drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
