I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
