My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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