is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
