then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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