I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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