Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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