ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
