like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
