My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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