dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
