i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
