i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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