Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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