saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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