I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize