so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
