Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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