I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
