when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
