I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
