She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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