like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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