Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
