Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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