porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
