alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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