I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
