I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
