I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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