Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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