Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
