Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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