In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
