dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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