I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There r osticjed everywhere
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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