We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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