I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
