i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
