I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
