yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
