escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize