He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
