Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
