I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION