he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
True strength comes from lack of pants