We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
