I'm going to jail i love you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
