i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
