I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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