Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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