Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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