Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
