Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
