There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You dont lie about slip and slides
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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