So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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