Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
