and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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