I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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