They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
