Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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